In loving memory....

       In the past, I have avoided posts about my personal life, but my heart is demanding relief. My partner, my best friend, and the physical embodiment of my love passed away on Februay 7th at the age of 28. His name was Jake and over the past 5 years (nearly a quarter of my life) we spent almost every moment together. Eventually it seemed like we were merely a single soul in a constant state of duality. We came to know ourselves through the ways in which we balanced each other out. Then, at what seemed like the height of our happiness, he began to suffer from digestive issues which only worsened with time. The tragedy was that he had no health insurance and in this country, general healthcare is a privilege that isn't awarded to the less fortunate. Apparently, you have to have a certain income level to be worthy of life? Anyway, we had to wait for his condition to become an "emergency" before seeking treatment via the ER.
     See, I created this blog as a form of therapy. If you have ever cared for a loved one who is suffering through illness then you understand the painful erosion of both of your spirits as the days turn to months. This blog allowed me to explore hopeful ideas so that I could then share that hope with Jake. Sometimes when life is drenched in chaos, the only thing that seems real is hope.
       I had just completed my degree in August of 2012 when he began to fall into a deep depression. I had to dedicate almost all of my time to being at home and by the time we went to the ER he had lost nearly 30 pounds.
       Skipping ahead, antibiotics seemed to dampen his stomach problems, but he developed a cough shortly after he had gotten home. At first, it seemed like a cold, but by the end of January the cough had become an "emergency." His breathing was shallow and he would get short of breath from walking. His health was greatly weakened from the year of suffering he had endured, and he had contracted an antibiotic-resistant pneumonia that is apparently specific to hospital environments. He passed away after 6 days in the hospital. 

        I stayed by his side the whole time, trying my hardest to keep him smiling and hopeful. Fate, though, is always blind to the efforts of man. He went to sleep believing that he would get better, but he didn't. And with his life, so went my heart. I guess you could say that I had lost my hope, but truthfully, I had lost my everything. I have spent this whole month in a confused state of shock and emotional upheaval. It was obvious to me that the thoughts in my head needed to free themselves.
     But Why? Well, when you lose your confidente there is a lot of dialogue that no longer has an outlet. Allowing that dialogue to rot in your mind is dangerous, and the one thing I need more than anything right now is a sense of hope. Since this is the one place where I could find hope for Jake's suffering, here I am searching for my own. So that is where I am now, but I will be posting more about this journey as I go. Maybe someone out there will read this and find their own hope in my story.

~In eternal, loving memory of Jacob Clay Renfrow (1984-2013) ~

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Imagination is Power

"Live out of your imagination, not your history."
-Stephen Covey-

Any frequent "daydreamer" knows that it's not unlikely to sometimes miss entire conversations going on around you due to the mental energy being used inside your own mind to create your artificial environment. It's this ability to shut down entire sensory modalities in order to utilize our brains' ability to create entirely original ideas that sets us apart from other, less-inteligent animals. This ability to create new information using recombined bits of our memories is also known as imagination, and it has led mankind into making some of its greatest achievements. In cognitive psychology, one form of human imagination is the combination of several simple parts into more complex new objects, and it is this kind of imagination that is frequently the origin of scientific innovations. The "recombinations" are also what inspires those "ah-ha" moments in our lives. Yet, beyond the realm of invention, our imagination can also be used as a tool with which we can create new experiences in our lives. This is the kind of imagination that inspires those times when you're sitting in your cubicle around 2 PM while your conscious mind is busy sitting on the beach in the Bahamas.

On a more serious note, though, I want to encourage those who are stuck in a bad situation or who are unhappy in their lives to use their imagination to their advantage. When I was a child, I read books and wrote my own stories about magical worlds and impossible feats of adventure. Now I understand that this was a way for me to explore the world of possibilities and have limitless "playgrounds" while still being physically situated in rural Tennessee. I know It may not seem very useful in the moment, but, as Einstein once said: "Imagination is everything. It's the preview of life's coming attractions." In other words, our imagination is a method by which we can peer into the future and determine the means by which to attain the goals we envision. So let's take an astronaut, for example. This astronaut often imagines himself as being the first human to walk on Titan, one of Saturn's moons. This astronaut is very passionate about reaching Titan so he starts thinking of all of the conceivable ways in which he could get himself there. Eventually he may combine his knowledge of space travel with other, unrelated bits of information in his memory to create a new method of long-distance space travel that no one else would have been able to conceive. If he had not been able to imagine himself reaching that planet then he may not have attempted to find a way to get there. What's more is that none of society would have been able to benefit from the technology that would result. Had he, at any point, told himself that it was impossible for humans to get to Titan then his uncertainty would have prevented the possiblity from becoming the reality it could have once been. So:

The moment that you lose hope in the possibility of the future you imagine for yourself is, ironically, the same moment that it becomes impossible to attain.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is that you can never lose confidence in the things that you imagine for yourself. Even if the result is, in fact, impossible to achieve. I can guarantee to you that the effect of having hope in itself is worthy of the effort. All I know is that despite the amount of human suffering in the world, there is still a constant forward motion. Things must, by their nature, change and the smartest of us are the ones who know how to direct the motion in their lives. I don't think that people need ultimate control over their lives to be happy, but I do know that hope always gives us strength and I've never seen a situation wherein strength wasn't a powerful ally. So imagine the life you want and don't allow yourself to question the possibility that it can come true. Maybe you will surprise yourself.

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To make a better world...

Psychology is the study of the human brain, the cognitive processes, and the biological and social factors which influence our behavior. In American culture, the topic is devalued due to reasons in which I will discuss in a future post, but for now, just know that a firm understanding of how people think and interact is a powerful foundation in life whether or not our society is outwardly aware of it. I would even argue that a course in psychology should be included in the required curriculum of high school graduates as it both prepares you for interactions in the business world (for non-collegiate tracks) and provides you with a very applicable knowledge base for social and science majors.

Within the field, psychologists typically choose to specialize in:

• Neuroscience: the cellular, biological and physiological factors influencing behavior
• Social psychology: study of the behavior of individuals in a group and the behavior of the group as a seperate entity
• Cognition: the study of thought processes and the areas of the brain involved in behavior
• Clinical psychology: the therapeutic application of psychology on individuals in ways shown to provide benefit to disorders in thought, development, emotion, and memory

Obviously this list isn't exhaustive, but it gives you a sense of the shear immensity of information that resides within the study of psychology. Understanding even a portion of it would help to benefit society and reduce the errors in behavior that run so rampant in our culture today. Moreover, it would help to reduce the level at which the population is decieved by the media and government bodies that capitalize on psychological manipulation.

In terms of individual benefits, one particlularly useful skill that one often discovers in psychology is the understanding of the self. "Who am I?" is the cliche question asked by all twenty-somethings, and topics such as personality typification help to provide a guide map for the path to self-discovery. For instance, according to the Myers-Briggs Test of Personality, I am an

INTP - "Architect". Greatest precision in thought and language. Can readily discern contradictions and inconsistencies. The world exists primarily to be understood. 3.3% of total population.

Take Free Jung Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

With this knowledge, one can do a quick google search to see what career choices an INTP would perform best within. Furthermore, it provides the weak and strong points of your personality type so as to better interact with people accordingly. Perhaps its just my personal preference for both abstract and practical ideas, but either way, I believe that psychology is an under-valued subject that would do nothing but strengthen us as a society if more individuals were educated in it. OK, I guess that's enough self-promotion for one day!!

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The Reality of Dreams (my guest blog on Change Bound)

The Reality of Dreams

Change Bound: The Reality of Dreams

“Each man should frame life so that at some future hour fact and his dreaming meet. “ - Victor Hugo

I recently wrote a guest piece on a blog that is run by one of my high school teachers. I thought I would share it on my blog today, as well, as it gives you a little more info about me, in case you were wondering.

"Some people would argue that success is best measured by the number in their bank account statement while some would counter that it’s more about the number of credentials attached to the end of your name. Maybe it’s my naivety that rejects these measures, but I believe that the only true confirmation of one’s success is in having achieved the dreams and aspirations that are unique to your own soul. As a recent college graduate, perhaps my lack of experience distorts my opinion, but I think that our culture needs more optimism like mine. In a world where conflict and economic strife are the headlines of the daily news, the only thing that we can hold onto is our hope that things will get better. One of my strongest personal beliefs is that we each have, within us, the power to shape our world and to determine the direction that our lives will take. Call it cliché, but this idea has always been a driving force in my life.

As a psychology major at Emory University, I was a research assistant and I studied the development of memory in children. One major bullet point that I retained from that experience was the pivotal role that socialization plays in molding a child’s developing mind. In many ways, the brain of a child is like a molten lava flow; it is vibrant and energetic yet ultimately shaped by the environment through which it flows. For me, as a child raised in the tiny town of Clinton, Tennessee, it would have been easy to accept the idea that my future was restricted to my hometown like so many of my classmates were led to believe. Luckily, though, I was fortunate enough to have a vibrant imagination, a family that encouraged my innate passions, and a few great teachers that taught me that my strongest attributes were my heart and my mind.

Much of my own childhood was spent living vicariously through the characters of books that I read, but in the real world, many would say that I was sort of an outsider among my classmates. Understandably, being excluded had a profound effect on me, but not so much in a negative way. Maybe it was my natural disposition, but I believe that it helped to breed in me a desire to work harder. I learned to read people and understand situations much more quickly than my peers because I was constantly attempting to fit into their socially constructed roles. By the end of high school I had constructed a life of which I could finally be proud, and while I was unaware of it at the time, I now understand that much of that success was due to the self-confidence that came with believing that anything was possible. I have never been afraid to try the improbable, and I suppose my comfort on the road less traveled is one of the aforementioned perks of being a wallflower. So I took that road to Atlanta, GA and attended Emory University.

Needless to say, sometimes our dreams take us to places that seem more like nightmares upon first glance; I was a small-pond-fish among big-ocean-sharks, and I slowly began to understand the cold realities of our society. Money, which until this point was a foreign language to me, was the ultimate distinction between my classmates and myself: namely I had little and they had lots. While it was difficult without the constant comforts of home, I managed to use my inner strengths to my advantage and make a few good friends while doing well in my classes. Predictably, though, I lost my self-confidence at some point in the chaos, and its disappearance became a near disaster for me. I took a leave of absence from school to find myself again, but it wasn’t easy. My father fell extremely ill during this period of time and the fear of losing him made me question even my deepest held values. Yet the one faint glow in that darkness was that faint optimism left from my youth; the belief that I possessed everything I needed within myself. So I worked harder than ever and I managed to rekindle my passions. With renewed vigor, I finished my degree and proved to myself that the once clear image of my future was, in fact, attainable all along.

So what would be my advice for dealing with life’s unpredictability? Well, I always keep some of that “molten lava” from my childhood burning so that when my environment inevitably changes, I am able to mold myself to it without breaking. In all seriousness, sometimes we forget that children possess the hope that many of us so desperately need. We spend a lot of time teaching them the things we want them to know, but I know, for me at least, there is a lot I could learn from my younger self. The biggest challenges in my life have always been and will always be in keeping my dreams alive long enough to attain them and in allowing my life to change without believing that “who I am” has to change with it."

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