In loving memory....

       In the past, I have avoided posts about my personal life, but my heart is demanding relief. My partner, my best friend, and the physical embodiment of my love passed away on Februay 7th at the age of 28. His name was Jake and over the past 5 years (nearly a quarter of my life) we spent almost every moment together. Eventually it seemed like we were merely a single soul in a constant state of duality. We came to know ourselves through the ways in which we balanced each other out. Then, at what seemed like the height of our happiness, he began to suffer from digestive issues which only worsened with time. The tragedy was that he had no health insurance and in this country, general healthcare is a privilege that isn't awarded to the less fortunate. Apparently, you have to have a certain income level to be worthy of life? Anyway, we had to wait for his condition to become an "emergency" before seeking treatment via the ER.
     See, I created this blog as a form of therapy. If you have ever cared for a loved one who is suffering through illness then you understand the painful erosion of both of your spirits as the days turn to months. This blog allowed me to explore hopeful ideas so that I could then share that hope with Jake. Sometimes when life is drenched in chaos, the only thing that seems real is hope.
       I had just completed my degree in August of 2012 when he began to fall into a deep depression. I had to dedicate almost all of my time to being at home and by the time we went to the ER he had lost nearly 30 pounds.
       Skipping ahead, antibiotics seemed to dampen his stomach problems, but he developed a cough shortly after he had gotten home. At first, it seemed like a cold, but by the end of January the cough had become an "emergency." His breathing was shallow and he would get short of breath from walking. His health was greatly weakened from the year of suffering he had endured, and he had contracted an antibiotic-resistant pneumonia that is apparently specific to hospital environments. He passed away after 6 days in the hospital. 

        I stayed by his side the whole time, trying my hardest to keep him smiling and hopeful. Fate, though, is always blind to the efforts of man. He went to sleep believing that he would get better, but he didn't. And with his life, so went my heart. I guess you could say that I had lost my hope, but truthfully, I had lost my everything. I have spent this whole month in a confused state of shock and emotional upheaval. It was obvious to me that the thoughts in my head needed to free themselves.
     But Why? Well, when you lose your confidente there is a lot of dialogue that no longer has an outlet. Allowing that dialogue to rot in your mind is dangerous, and the one thing I need more than anything right now is a sense of hope. Since this is the one place where I could find hope for Jake's suffering, here I am searching for my own. So that is where I am now, but I will be posting more about this journey as I go. Maybe someone out there will read this and find their own hope in my story.

~In eternal, loving memory of Jacob Clay Renfrow (1984-2013) ~

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The Dark Side of Ideas

    When we believe in an idea with enough intensity, often we develop a strong identification with that idea. An example of this phenomenon is evident when two people have been dating for a while. Usually both people will begin to lose their individual identities in social situations as they adopt a conjoined identity of "we." Their relationship is the idea in this scenario, and it's an idea with which they believe in enough to identify themselves.
    This is a phenomenon that has been studied for centuries and it's one of the major bases of social psychology and, more broadly, sociology. Every effective social movement in history was the result of enough people adopting an idea as their identity. When this happens, though, there is a certain amount of danger that arises too. This is easy to see in the relationship example. When abuse arises in a relationship, the victim of the abuse will often begin to feel guilty or somehow responsible for the abusive behavior of his/her partner because they are so accustomed to associating him/herself with their shared identity. He/she cannot appreciate the actual innocence of his/her seperate identity any longer, and the anxiety of losing part of his/her identity may outweigh the perceived benefit of being safely alone. This is one of the dangers associated with abandoning too much of your own identity in favor of the group's identity; you begin to forego your own well-being for the sustenance of the idea.
     The real issue here is:  

what happens when the leaders of the group become aware of these weaknesses in its members?  

There are two potential outcomes in this situation: the leaders can weaken the intensity of their ideology enough to allow for its members to appreciate their individuality OR (and this is more frequently the case) the group can manipulate these weaknesses towards selfish gain. Take, for example, political involvement in America. America functions under a bipartisan government so we have two main political parties with which politicians associate themselves with based on their ideologies. The problem, here, is that most politicians don't fit perfectly into either party, but luckily for them, there are enough people who identify themselves almost entirely with their political party that they will accept anyone that the party tells them is worthy of supporting. Politicians, to gain the political party's support, will manipulate information and carefully construct the presentation of themselves to the public until they are in office. Once they are in office, though, their actions may not seem as perfectly aligned to their parties ideologies. If enough politicians in the party can sneak these actions without public attention then the ideology of the group will eventually change, too, and this can sometimes be a good thing. But, it can be equally destructive. For instance, the Republican party passes legislation that favors the rich while the majority of its supporters are actually from the lower and middle classes, but this wasn't always the case. When Abraham Lincoln (a Republican) was in office, the party was known for its support of the working class and for its progressive ideology. Over time, though, this changed and the Republican party became the conservative party. 

      My argument here is that we all have to be more careful when we believe in something with enough fervor. While, on the one hand, we would do anything to make others believe in our cause, we have to ensure that we do not begin supporting things that we wouldn't have individually. It's vital that, sometimes, we take a critical look at the things that are being done in the name of our ideas. Just like the victim in the abusive relationship, we have to make sure that the things we believe in so strongly aren't hurting us as individuals.  

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America, the Addicted

     Next month will make it a full year since I quit smoking cigarettes. For me, this is one of my proudest moments because not only have I proven all of those people wrong who said I couldn't do it, but I have, more importantly, proven that the dark voice of irrational doubt that haunts my self-confidence is not more powerful than my will. Any addict knows how strong that voice can be, and as someone that has always struggled with self-confidence, this is a huge personal win. Now don't worry, this post is not another preachy advice column about "how to quit."  I understand that addiction is a personal thing, and because of that, every person's journey is going to look different. Moreover, the tactics that one uses to quit must be tailored to that person's unique motivations and I prefer to keep those intimate aspects of my personality to myself. My best advice for anyone struggling with addiction would be to see a trained therapist (preferably one who specializes in addiction, but any therapist will work), and they will be able to help you to identify the best plan for you and your lifestyle.  I have included a link at the bottom of this page to a website with a great database of mental health professionals.
       Instead, my goal is to address how poorly our culture handles addicts. In previous posts, I spoke at great lengths about the stigma of mental illness in our society. So as a launching point, keep in mind that mental illness includes addiction. Many people in society tend to treat it as a seperate diagnosis, but, as a personal witness of countless addicts in my life, I know that they often display the same symptoms as any other person with a mental illness, and while treatment is typically much different, the causes are often the same. Now when I talk about addiction, I am talking about my personal definition of addiction: use of a substance that manipulates the brain AND subsequently changes the functioning of the brain in such a way that it results in a physical or mental dependence on that substance to maintain normal brain functioning.  
       What I want you to notice about this definition is that it doesn't indicate any sort of idea that addiction can only happen to weak or evil people. The fact that our minds so easily slip to an image of a dirty criminal when we think of the word "addict" proves just how ubiquitous the criminalization of addiction is in the public consciousness. The fact is that in 2007, alone, an estimated 23.2 million people aged 12 or older needed treatment for a substance use disorder in the United States, and my guess is that the self hatred that most of those individuals suffer from as a result of this criminalization doesn't help their problem. Labeling oneself as a criminal only perpetuates the cycle because as Mahatma Gandhi once said:

"A man is but the product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes.

       If we truly want less criminal activity among drug users then we should focus a little more on reducing prison sentences for these "crimes" and by, instead, offering cheaper rehabilitation options to non-offenders and offenders alike. According to the National Substance Abuse Treatment Services Survey, the average cost for inpatient programs was about $7,000 per month. Since more than 30 days produces a higher recovery rate, the cost of drug rehab can easily range between $7,500 and $75,000.  To me, this is ridiculous. I understand that it costs a lot of money to provide quality treatment to these individuals, but I feel like using our tax money to pay at least a portion of these costs would be cheaper in the long run than the cost of repetitively paying for prison stays of repeat drug offenders. No matter how its defined, though, drug and alcohol addictions are a huge problem. A problem that is highly specific to the American culture. I personally blame our inefficient system of negative reinforcement, but maybe you disagree. Feel free to share your thoughts about this topic in the comments below!

Resources for those struggling or those who know someone struggling with drug addiction: 
http://www.allaboutcounseling.com/

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The Life of Ty

             This is the first in a series of posts in which I will be discussing the role of religion in our lives. As the title suggests, I was inspired to write on this topic after reading the novel Life of Pi by Yann Martel. For me, Piscine’s (aka Pi) inner conflict with religion is a battle that really hits close to home. Much like Pi, I was raised amidst a culture of religious uniformity, but instead of the religion being Hinduism, mine was Protestant Christianity. As a gay male, I found myself at odds with my religion like many other LGBT individuals have experienced in their lives. I guess that was my main motivation for questioning the power of the Christian faith, and for questioning the validity of religion in general. My personal relationship with God had previously been a genuine one so this was a personal betrayal of ultimate proportions, and in my youth, the only reaction I could muster was complete denial of spirituality

            My academic studies did nothing but encourage my Atheism. Yet, I inevitably found little inner fulfillment within this lifestyle. Neurology has shown us that there is an observable mental state that religious experiences activate which is unlike any other state of being. The patterns of brain activations in these moments have been shown to have a therapeutic affect on the individual, as well. Perhaps this aspect of the human psyche provided us with an evolutionary advantage over other animals, but the believer in me argues that this could also just be the part of the brain that is directly linked to the divine, whatever that may be. 

So, again in parallel to Pi's journey, I began encouraging my curious disposition to explore the foreign world of religion. This time, I approached it much like an archaeologist would approach a new archaelogical dig. I was meticulous and critical of each new “artifact” that I encountered; studying it and extracting the parts that, to me, held value. What resulted was my own fusion of worldwide religious beliefs. It works well in my life, and it carried the additional perk of providing me with more cultural tolerance and for that, I am truly grateful.

           Now, one thing to know about Protestants is that they emphasize the importance of a personal relationship with God, and that belief is one that has remained in me to this day. I hesitated, at first, when I thought about writing on this topic because, for me, religion is a personal thing. But, I have also seen the painful and destructive power of religious intolerance. So in the next couple of weeks, I will be presenting the main world religions in hopes of drawing the numerous parallels among them.  I think we all have something we can learn from other cultures, and my challenge to each of you is to approach each religion I present with an open mind.  At their cores, every religion is about love and forgiveness so my ultimate goal is to encourage all of us to practice those aspects of spirituality a little more in our daily lives.  

            I will present them in pairs with no particular order so up first for next week: Christianity and Islam.  So stay tuned!!!

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Imagination is Power

"Live out of your imagination, not your history."
-Stephen Covey-

Any frequent "daydreamer" knows that it's not unlikely to sometimes miss entire conversations going on around you due to the mental energy being used inside your own mind to create your artificial environment. It's this ability to shut down entire sensory modalities in order to utilize our brains' ability to create entirely original ideas that sets us apart from other, less-inteligent animals. This ability to create new information using recombined bits of our memories is also known as imagination, and it has led mankind into making some of its greatest achievements. In cognitive psychology, one form of human imagination is the combination of several simple parts into more complex new objects, and it is this kind of imagination that is frequently the origin of scientific innovations. The "recombinations" are also what inspires those "ah-ha" moments in our lives. Yet, beyond the realm of invention, our imagination can also be used as a tool with which we can create new experiences in our lives. This is the kind of imagination that inspires those times when you're sitting in your cubicle around 2 PM while your conscious mind is busy sitting on the beach in the Bahamas.

On a more serious note, though, I want to encourage those who are stuck in a bad situation or who are unhappy in their lives to use their imagination to their advantage. When I was a child, I read books and wrote my own stories about magical worlds and impossible feats of adventure. Now I understand that this was a way for me to explore the world of possibilities and have limitless "playgrounds" while still being physically situated in rural Tennessee. I know It may not seem very useful in the moment, but, as Einstein once said: "Imagination is everything. It's the preview of life's coming attractions." In other words, our imagination is a method by which we can peer into the future and determine the means by which to attain the goals we envision. So let's take an astronaut, for example. This astronaut often imagines himself as being the first human to walk on Titan, one of Saturn's moons. This astronaut is very passionate about reaching Titan so he starts thinking of all of the conceivable ways in which he could get himself there. Eventually he may combine his knowledge of space travel with other, unrelated bits of information in his memory to create a new method of long-distance space travel that no one else would have been able to conceive. If he had not been able to imagine himself reaching that planet then he may not have attempted to find a way to get there. What's more is that none of society would have been able to benefit from the technology that would result. Had he, at any point, told himself that it was impossible for humans to get to Titan then his uncertainty would have prevented the possiblity from becoming the reality it could have once been. So:

The moment that you lose hope in the possibility of the future you imagine for yourself is, ironically, the same moment that it becomes impossible to attain.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is that you can never lose confidence in the things that you imagine for yourself. Even if the result is, in fact, impossible to achieve. I can guarantee to you that the effect of having hope in itself is worthy of the effort. All I know is that despite the amount of human suffering in the world, there is still a constant forward motion. Things must, by their nature, change and the smartest of us are the ones who know how to direct the motion in their lives. I don't think that people need ultimate control over their lives to be happy, but I do know that hope always gives us strength and I've never seen a situation wherein strength wasn't a powerful ally. So imagine the life you want and don't allow yourself to question the possibility that it can come true. Maybe you will surprise yourself.

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When the Mind Gets Sick...

Would you be surprised to hear that "the leading cause of disability in the US and Canada [is mental illness]" or that 1 in 4 Americans suffer from mental illness each YEAR? Yes,1 IN 4 AMERICANS THIS YEAR . In other words, one person in every average-sized (2 parent/caregiver+2 child) home will suffer from a mental illness this year. Who do you think it will be in your family this year? You? Your child? Your parent? Regardless, it doesn't take much more calculating to understand why ALL OF US will experience a disorder in thought, mood or personality at some point(s) during our lives.

Ok. Ok. OK. Let me back track a bit and explain why I am posting about this topic today. Of the quarter of Americans that suffer from mental illness this year, only half of those will seek therapeutic treatment for it. The recent "discussions" about the state of mental healthcare in this country have been quite heated. I believe that, without a doubt, the greatest delay in progress comes from the stigma of mental illness that permeates our culture. The media and the legal system encourage the implicit association between mental disorders and criminality and we all, to some degree, subconsciously absorb this belief. Hopefully, you understand why this association is dangerous for all of us, but I will assume that you need it explained:

1. When illnesses are stigmatized, people don't seek treatment out of embarrassment and shame.
2. When mental illnesses go untreated, they can escalate into more severe and more enduring conditions that can SOMETIMES pose a threat to the individual or others
3. These rare cases get picked up by the media thus strengthening the stigma and perpetuating the cycle.
4. Eventually, the stability of our public health & safety can become threatened if the availability of mental health treatments diminish. This occurs when therapists, researchers, and doctors choose more profitable fields.

So, how do we stop the process before it gets any worse? Well, we can start with developing an understanding that the family member that sleeps too much, or the boy whose face turns red when someone talks to him, or the woman who is mean to everyone for no reason, or the loud girl in your class, or that socially awkward co-worker may all be suffering from untreated mental illnesses. Does that mean they are crazy? ABSOLUTELY NOT!! It means that they have the mind's equivalence of a cold and they need to go to the doctor before it turns into the flu. I'm not ashamed to say that I, too, have suffered from mental illness in my life, but I can personaly attest to the fact that therapy works! Whenever I have a panic attack, I immediately see my therapist to determine the root cause of my anxieties because I understand that my personality type promotes this kind of negative reaction to stress. I, also, used to be a cigarette smoker due to my untreated anxieties, but now that I manage my stress in healthier ways, I have been smoke-free for a year. You'll be surprised with what all will improve in your life when you get your mind straightened out.

Anyway, so what can you do to help? The best thing you can do is to focus on yourself with this one. It never hurts to talk about your life to someone who will listen without judgement or bias even if you don't think you have a disorder at the moment. So go see a licensed therapist or psychiatrist and spread the word that you are tending to your mental health as part of a well-rounded health plan. Join this movement of self-respect and help end a harmful social stigma at the same time!!!

For More Information on Mental Health (source: www.NIMH.NIH.gov):
Educational Resources about Mental Health and Illness
Source of the statistics used in this post

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2013: An Opportunity

Each new year offers us a new chance...

The natural world, as we all know, functions in a cycle of birth, life, and death. Similarly, our calendar year follows this cyclical pattern based on the seasonal progression of our planet. Today is the first day of 2013, a new start of this cycle, and it's also as close as any of us will ever be to having a "rebirth" opportunity.

In America, 2012 seemed to be a year of hard-work, political polarization, natural disasters, and tragedies. So, while I'm definitely not suggesting that we all forego our own personal resolutions, I do believe that the new year may be a good opportunity for Americans to also, as a nation, agree to a few universal resolutions:

• Improve mental healthcare and reduce the stigma of mental illness
• Pass better gun control legislation and begin better gun buy-back programs
• Work towards finding political middle-ground so that our currently deadlocked Congress will have a chance
• Be more generous and sympathetic to the less fortunate
• Try to do something each day that is self-less
• Be less fearful of the unknown and trust both your instincts AND your intellect!
• Be more knowledgeable and aware of American relations abroad
• Don't make judgements based on pre-conceived notions or stereotypes
• Try to free your mind a little sometimes and accept a new idea or opinion

So these are just a few ideas. Feel free to comment on this post with what you believe should be included in this list and I will be sure to add it to my list (this is about everyone, after all). Also, please take a moment and take my poll ! I'm going to use the anonymous results of the poll in a future post!!! Thanks guys !

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To make a better world...

Psychology is the study of the human brain, the cognitive processes, and the biological and social factors which influence our behavior. In American culture, the topic is devalued due to reasons in which I will discuss in a future post, but for now, just know that a firm understanding of how people think and interact is a powerful foundation in life whether or not our society is outwardly aware of it. I would even argue that a course in psychology should be included in the required curriculum of high school graduates as it both prepares you for interactions in the business world (for non-collegiate tracks) and provides you with a very applicable knowledge base for social and science majors.

Within the field, psychologists typically choose to specialize in:

• Neuroscience: the cellular, biological and physiological factors influencing behavior
• Social psychology: study of the behavior of individuals in a group and the behavior of the group as a seperate entity
• Cognition: the study of thought processes and the areas of the brain involved in behavior
• Clinical psychology: the therapeutic application of psychology on individuals in ways shown to provide benefit to disorders in thought, development, emotion, and memory

Obviously this list isn't exhaustive, but it gives you a sense of the shear immensity of information that resides within the study of psychology. Understanding even a portion of it would help to benefit society and reduce the errors in behavior that run so rampant in our culture today. Moreover, it would help to reduce the level at which the population is decieved by the media and government bodies that capitalize on psychological manipulation.

In terms of individual benefits, one particlularly useful skill that one often discovers in psychology is the understanding of the self. "Who am I?" is the cliche question asked by all twenty-somethings, and topics such as personality typification help to provide a guide map for the path to self-discovery. For instance, according to the Myers-Briggs Test of Personality, I am an

INTP - "Architect". Greatest precision in thought and language. Can readily discern contradictions and inconsistencies. The world exists primarily to be understood. 3.3% of total population.

Take Free Jung Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

With this knowledge, one can do a quick google search to see what career choices an INTP would perform best within. Furthermore, it provides the weak and strong points of your personality type so as to better interact with people accordingly. Perhaps its just my personal preference for both abstract and practical ideas, but either way, I believe that psychology is an under-valued subject that would do nothing but strengthen us as a society if more individuals were educated in it. OK, I guess that's enough self-promotion for one day!!

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