It Takes an Army

          It's been a while since I last posted. I've been trying to find my "new normal," but to be honest, it's a difficult thing to do. After Jake's passing, I moved back to Tennessee and while it seemed like my only choice at the time, I can't help but regret my decision. It's not that I dislike Tennessee because, after all, it's where I was raised, but as much as I hate to say it, I've never felt comfortable here. The source of this discomfort is the topic of this post: bullying.

          Bullying, especially in school environments, is a problem that is the direct effect of our cultural climate in America. We have accepted the consensus that "survival of the fittest" is the philosophy by which we should live our lives, and I would not argue against this if we were a species that allowed our primal instincts to control our behavior. Unfortunately, there is a fatal flaw in this mentality, and it's the fact that we are a social species. We evolved an interdependence on our fellow man because that is what humans have always needed to survive. When capitalism emerged with such large success in the 19th century, independence and "boot-strap" philosophies began to permeate into every corner of our society. People began to be fooled into believing that relying on others was a weakness, but the only problem with this competitive spirit is that it leads to a lack of compassion.

 What happens when someone needs help?

        Now, for me, being bullied was an everyday thing, but then when I compare my experience to Jake's experience, there is a stark contrast. We both experienced social exclusion and loneliness when we were children, but why were our paths so different? For Jake, school was a battleground where he was an army of one with no weaponry while his opponents, his classmates, were numerous and armed with the most sophisticated weapons. It was a hopeless battle, and eventually he felt like there was no reason to continue the struggle, so he surrendered. When I met him, he didn't have a high school diploma and he had little confidence or knowledge in his own abilities, but the tragedy was that he had an incredibly curious disposition and an amazing ability to understand how things worked. His story was, like millions of other Americans, one of a talented individual who suffered his whole life because society failed to show him a helping hand and a pat on the back. I believe that he would still be here today if the trauma from the bullying he faced had never been allowed to go on for so long.
      For me, my salvation from this same fate most certainly came from the positive reinforcement that I received from the school, itself. I had teachers that cultivated my abilities and applauded my success. I suffered little by the time I reached high school because I would turn to my schoolwork as an escape from the isolation that I felt. Jake never had that because he felt unwanted at school.

What can we do about it? 

      It has been shown that bullying is greatly reduced in positive school environments.
What this means is that when teachers actively support positive student interactions through class participation, intervene in negative interactions, reward success, and generally take a more active approach to the learning environment, bullying and the impact that this bullying has on the victims is greatly reduced. This research implements a teaching approach that they call Tribes, and so far, schools that use this approach are showing vast improvements in their classroom climates. If you are a teacher or a parent, please take a look at the website that I linked to above and consider sharing it with school administrators. We have to stop being so passive in regards to the lives of the children in this country. Remember, children who are victimized become adults who are traumatized and we can prevent both of them if we just start showing a little more compassion.

It takes an army to win the war against bullying, and you can give someone a fighting chance, so do it.

In Memory of Jake,

and all of the victims of bullying.